Fear

Frank Herbert uses “Fear is the mind killer,” as one of the main motifs in his Dune series. He is right. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is also the heart witherer, the soul cager, and the purpose quencher.

Fear is my captor.

Emotions are funny things. I believe emotions are one of God’s greatest gifts to us. They make life interesting. They make life livable. They are dangerous. Emotion can be the thing that most easily distracts us from God. Emotion effortlessly causes us to sin.

Emotions in and of themselves are not wrong. I do not believe we can control what emotion bubbles up from within. However, we can control what we do with the emotion that comes. Sin lurks in the moment we decide what to do with the emotion. It is not wrong for anger to bubble up at my husband. I sin when I act on that anger, when I refuse to forgive, when I make him pay. It is not a sin to feel fear. I sin when I sit wallowing in worry rather than trusting God. When I allow my fear to control me, rather than me controlling the fear, I am wrong.

I am wrong in this area often.

It is strange. I remember living without constant fear. I think fear started being an issue for me in college when I took a self-defense class. Ironic, I know. A class that should have empowered me, actually caused me to start recognizing all the dangers around me. I learned all the right moves in class. I could even perform them well on the other girls in class. Then I tried them on my boyfriend at the time. Nothing seemed to work.

I think TV also played a role in increasing my fear. For years I relished crime dramas. In high school I would stay up to watch Law & Order, the original version. I now severely limit my viewing of crime TV and the news. The fear these things birth in me is so great that I currently am unable to be at home alone when a repair man comes. This is sad.

God does not want us to live in fear.

So then, brothers and sisters, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh (for if you live according to the flesh, you will die), but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are the sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery leading again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, but whom we cry, “Abba, Father.”
Romans 8:12-15 (NET)

Fear enslaves us. Fear enslaves me only because I let it. God has given me the means to overcome my fear by giving me the Spirit of God.

My mind struggles to find a balance between common sense and trust in God. I think that there are some things we just don’t do because they are stupid. I don’t walk down the middle of the freeway, expecting God to keep cars from hitting me. However, my common sense is perhaps in error when it keeps me from doing stupid things for the glory of God. Should I offer a ride to the girl walking down the road? Do I invite the homeless man out for a cup of coffee?

I am struck by the story of Ezra. Ezra was a priest and teacher living in Babylon at the end of Israel’s exile. When the time came, he returned home to Jerusalem to rebuild the Temple. He is with a group of 42,360 men in addition to servants and animals. They carried with them a wealth of gold, sliver, and priestly garments. This group was not inconspicuous as they crossed the hundreds of miles from Babylon to Israel. They were a ripe target for thieves and bandits. But get this, Ezra writes:

I called for a fast there by the Ahava Canal, so that we might humble ourselves before our God and seek from him a safe journey for us, our children, and all our property. I was embarrassed to request soldiers and horsemen from the king to protect us from the enemy along the way, because we had said to the king, “The good hand of our God is on everyone who is seeking him, but his great anger is against everyone who forsakes him.” So we fasted and prayed to our God about this and he answered us….

On the twelfth day of the first month we began traveling from the Ahava Canal to go to Jerusalem. The hand of our God was on us, and he delivered us from our enemy and from bandits along the way. So we came to Jerusalem, and we stayed there for three days.
Ezra 8:21-23; 31-32 (NET)

Here is foolishness for the glory of God. Rather than compromising God’s reputation as sovereign and almighty, Ezra and the gang traveled across the world without guards, without protection. Only they weren’t without protection. God, the One in control of all things, protected them and brought them safely to their destination.

I am working on controlling my fear. It is a slow learning process, but God is renewing me day by day.

I picked up my copy of Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables last summer. I read it in high school. So far, I have only reread the first 380 pages. A good portion of the first of the book focuses on Monseigneur Bienvenu, a man foolish for the glory of God. At one point, the bishop is asked if he is “quite sure if there was not a degree of imprudence in leaving his door, day and night, open to whoever might wish to enter, and if he did not fear that some evil would befall a house so poorly defended.” The bishop answers, “Unless God protects a house, they who guard it watch in vain.” This has become my mantra.

Fear kills my mind. It causes me to think rationally when I should be thinking faithfully. Fear withers my heart. It causes me to overlook the plight of others in order to safeguard my self and my family. Fear cages my soul. It erects a wall between me and my savior, preventing me from fully experiencing the peace of God. Fear quenches my God-given purpose in life. It causes me to retreat within myself and put off till tomorrow what God would have me do today.

Father, I believe. Help my unbelief. (Mark 9:24)