Today I Was THAT Lady

It was one of those mornings where I knew I had to get Luke out of the house or pay for keeping him cooped up each excruciating minute after another. So after eating breakfast and getting both Luke and myself decently attired, we jumped in the car and headed to the mall.

Luke had two pairs of shoes-one pair for church and other dress up occasions, and a pair of sandals for playing. However, Luke is quite adept at removing his sandals. The plod of one shoe followed by the other hitting the car floor is now irrevocably registered in my brain. It has gotten so that I usually don’t even bother with putting his shoes on until we reach our destination. However, it is somewhat of a problem when I leave him in the nursery and he refuses to keep his shoes on. So, I was on a mission to find some cheap tennis for Luke to wear when playing. Plus, the mall has a new area for small children to run and play. An air conditioned park sounded like just the thing for this, the hottest day of the year so far.
Shoe shopping was a success. We quickly found some suitable tennis at the low, low price of $9.99.
I even found a pair of gorgeous wedges for myself. Also at the low, low price of only $9.99. I was feeling good. So, Luke and I headed for the play area.

Luke climbed up and slid down the slide once or twice, then headed for the gate. Not quite the entertainment I had hoped for him. So, I loaded him back up in the stroller and we traversed the mall. Luke and I shared a pretzel. I noted some shops to return to when I was alone and better able to make use of the dressing rooms. It didn’t take long to see all we could see, so we were soon back in the car.

Not ready to head home, I decided to make a trip up to my parents’ office. I was overdue for taking Luke to see the office ladies anyway. Pop has resigned himself to the fact that all work ceases in the front of the office when the grandkids visit. I think he’s proud to show the kids off. So, we made an appearance. The ladies oohed and ahhed over Luke’s new shoes and how well he is walking now. We played ball in the hallway. Luke charmed all. Then, Pop and Granny took us to lunch and work resumed as usual in the office.

Though it was past time to put Luke down for his nap, I decided to stop by Target on the way home. I had to resort to using Adam’s deodorant the night before, and well, I was anxious to be back to my feminine version. Luke was remarkably calm and cooperative sitting in the shopping cart as I raced to pick up what I needed. While sprinting down the aisle, I suddenly heard a familiar rumble and smelled an unpleasant odor. I hoped it was just gas and silently debated if it would make me a bad mother to wait until we arrived at home to check Luke’s diaper. My musings where interrupted by my phone. It was Adam calling to see how our day was going. He was out of town doing a presentation for another school district. I quickly explained what a wonderful day of adventure Luke and I were having, then let Luke talk, or grunt, to Daddy on the phone. We said our good-byes and headed for the front of the store. On a little high from talking to my sweet hubby, I had forgot all about my smelly dilemma. We checked out, I pushed the cart to join the rest, grabbed my purse and Target bag, and scooped up Luke. As his little heine came to rest on my arm, my breathe caught at a cold, wet squish.

Now, cold and wet is usually good on an 89 degree day. Cold and wet is refreshing in the form of lemonade. Cold and wet is revitalizing in the form of the yard sprinklers or neighborhood pool. Cold and wet is horrifying when it comes in the form of your toddler’s rear on your arm in the middle of Target.

I braced myself and looked down at the shopping cart seat. Fear became reality. I was gazing on a puddle of poop. It was at that moment that I realized I had chosen not to bring the diaper bag into the store. After all, we were just going to be a minute picking up one small item and heading home. Why is it that the only time I ever need the diaper bag is when I leave it in the car? My mind raced through options. I was somewhat incapacitated. I didn’t want to spread the cold wet any further by moving Luke from my arm.

My gaze then fell on a young, unsuspecting male. He appeared to be fully enjoying what looked like the second week of his new job during his summer break from high school. Our eyes met. He smiled, understanding by the look on my face that I was a customer in need of help. He quickly walked over to my aide. As he approached, I quickly explained the situation, “I’m so sorry, but this is really gross. My son’s diaper leaked in the cart, and I don’t have any wipes with me.” His eyes widened as I motioned to the seat and full understanding thudded into his brain. Graciously, he raised his hands in a calming motion and said he would take care of it. I apologized again and hurried to my car where I stripped Luke and changed his diaper in the front seat. I then strapped him, wearing only a diaper, white socks, and brand new white tennis shoes, into his car seat.

About halfway home, I turned to look at the little darling. To add one last level of excitement to my morning, somehow Luke had managed to pull his arms free from the seat harness. So, rather than the belts coming over his shoulders, they were going under his arms to the buckle between his legs. I just knew that this would be the day I was pulled over. The cop would look at my now cranky and in need of a nap child sitting naked in his car seat strapped in incorrectly and haul me off to jail.

But, we made it home safely, and I am just that lady who’s kid pooped in the Target shopping cart and left it for the high school boy on his summer job to clean up.