Luke's First Day of School

I cannot believe it has been more than a month since my last post. I was shocked when I read Kirsten’s comment tsking me for leaving August post-free. So, here we go.

Today is the first day of Mother’s Day Out or “school” for Luke. He will be attending Tuesdays and Thursdays this year. I have been looking forward to MDO starting all summer. Five and a half hours, two days a week, all to myself! I have so many things planned to do.

Last night, as I fixed his lunch, and labeled everything with his name, I started getting nervous. This morning when Luke woke up at 5:45 the nerves hit my stomach. I have to admit, he made parting a little easier by insisting on getting up before the sun (he usually sleeps until at least 7:00a), and then spending the morning in destructo mode. Cheerios flew. DVDs scattered. The high chair ended up at the living room window. The rug in Luke’s room is rolled into a heap. His toy shelves are cleared. Fits were thrown. One little diapered tooshy has been spanked. Repeatedly. To no avail. His tears flowed, not in response to being spanked, but in anger and irritation at being told not to do what he wanted. Somehow, Luke and I both ended up clothed. And at 8:45a we happily exited to the garage. Luke pushed the garage door button (a new favorite thing to do), and we loaded up the car.

I felt queasy.

We rolled into the parking lot. I took a deep breath and said a little prayer. I unloaded Luke, grabbed his bag and lunchbox, took his hand, and we trekked to Room 174. We walked into the room and both just stood there, Luke taking in everything going on in the room, me wondering what to do next. Soon, one of his teachers came over to us and asked for any instructions. As I explained about Luke’s cups, pacifiers, and lamb, Luke spotted balls.

I handed his things over to the teacher and noticed he was no longer at my side. He was across the room, one beach ball in his hands, a second at his feet. I called out, “Bye-Bye, Luke.” He briefly glanced at me with a “What? You’re still here?” expression. I left.

The anticipated sense of freedom didn’t come. I was had only a vague, indescribable sense of needing to cry. My list of to-dos evaporated. I knew I wouldn’t be able to accomplish anything. So, I went and sat in my parents’ office. Even at 29 years old, I needed my mommy. I just sat there, gazing through magazines until my lunch appointment.

At 11:00am, I got to meet a new friend for lunch. It was wonderful.

I have now spent most of the last hour aimlessly wondering through my house. There is so much to do, but I can’t focus. I briefly contemplated going to pick Luke up early. Good sense overruled and I came to the computer.

Only 13 minutes left until 2:20p when I can go get my baby.